Chapter 1: Decisions about the Funeral
Choosing a funeral services provider can be a stressful experience for those with little experience and who may be emotionally distraught over the sudden death of a loved one. It is not required by law to use a funeral home or another type of funeral services provider, but the many legal requirements and details may make using the professional services of such a provider more convenient for the family.
Q: When a death occurs, what is the first thing a family member should do?
The first thing a family member must do is to notify proper authorities
- When death occurs at a hospital or nursing home, the staff will notify the necessary authorities.
- If in the care of a Hospice Program, a hospice member may instruct family members on procedures to follow.
- In other situations, a family member or a person with the deceased should contact emergency personnel.
Q: What is the job of a funeral director?
Funeral directors are caregivers and administrators. They make the arrangements for transportation of the body, complete all necessary paperwork, and implement the choices made by the family regarding the funeral and final disposition of the body. Funeral directors are typically associated with a Funeral Home.
Q: Do you need a funeral director to bury the dead?
In most states, family members may bury their own dead although regulations vary. In addition, forms, certificates and authorizations must be completed pursuant to applicable laws before a burial can take place.
However, most people find it very trying to be solely responsible for arranging the details and legal matters surrounding a death. Funeral directors can assist the family with the funeral process during such a stressful time. However a close family member or a friend can step in and coordinate all the activities and paperwork needed for the funeral and burial/cremation.
Family members may also choose a direct burial or direct cremation, where the disposition of human remains is done by burial/cremation without a formal viewing, visitation, or ceremony, except for a graveside service (direct burial). Since direct burial/cremation may happen soon after the death, no embalming is needed.
Q: How do most people select a funeral home?
Families often choose a funeral home because they have used its services in the past, it is close to home, or has been recommended by a friend or a clergy. If you have not selected one already, we recommend first creating a shortlist through a combination of recommendations from friends/clergy, neighborhood directories and internet searches and then visiting at least a couple of funeral homes on that shortlist and speaking to their directors, before making a decision.
Q: What are the criteria for selecting a funeral home?
People choose a funeral home for different reasons, such as the following.
- Convenience: Which one is closest to my home?
- Previous Experience: Which one has my family always used?
- Reputation: Many of my friends recommended this funeral home.
- Funeral Director: Is he/she pleasant and knowledgeable? Are you able to build a rapport and establish trust? Does he/she instill confidence in his/her ability to help with and support your decisions? Are you able to freely ask questions? Does he/she listen to your ideas and concerns in order to make suggestions?
- Cost: Does the funeral home provide me a clear breakdown of all the costs, including options?
- Size of the Funeral Home: Is it spacious enough to accommodate your particular needs? Are there separate rooms available?
- Appearance/Environment of the Funeral Home: Is it a comfortable atmosphere for gathering family and friends together without being intimidating? Is it neat and clean? Is there ample seating, adequate lighting and climate control?
- Exterior of the Funeral Home: Is the building well maintained? Are there convenient parking options? Is it accessible?
- Other Funeral Home Staff: Are staff members courteous and professional? Are they willing to help with any questions or requests?
Q: How much do Funerals cost?
Typically, charges for a funeral service fall into three different categories.
- Services and Funeral Home Charges (Professional service charges, embalming, visitation/viewing, and vehicles)
- Third-Party Fees, also known as cash advances (Cemetery/crematory, monument, newspaper notices, and clergy)
- Merchandise (Acknowledgement cards, casket, vault, and urn)
Ultimately, you control the cost of a funeral by the choices you make. Your funeral director should assist you in creating a service that meets all your needs, including your budget.
A basic funeral costs about $6,000, and may be much higher depending on the extras you choose. If you decide to have the service at your place of worship, the cost may be lower, since you may not be using some of the services offered by the funeral home. Cemetery plot and opening and closing charges for the grave may add another $2,000 on average. Price range can be rather large between metropolitan and rural areas.
Initial comparison shopping may be done over the phone, saving time and stress. Funeral homes are required to give you price information over the phone, and some will also send you an itemized price list through the mail at your request. When comparison shopping in person, take a trusted friend with you to help ask questions and aid in your decision-making. It's easy to be talked into adding extravagances or choosing the most expensive items when you are under duress.
Purchasing a funeral package will often cost less than choosing individual items and services. Compare the total cost of the items and services all together, as well as individual prices. The funeral home is still required by law to give you an itemized price list, even if you decide you may want a package. And, he/she must sign it. Where transportation charges are not known in cases of transfers between cities, an estimate should be provided.
Q: Does the insurance company or any organization provide some financial assistance towards the funeral costs?
Department of Veteran Affairs provides some financial assistance towards funeral costs of the Veterans. Please contact your local Department of Veteran Affairs office or visit http://www.cem.va.gov/ . Your funeral director or funeral coordinator at the church may have additional information for you.
You should also contact your insurance agent to see if the life insurance policy of the diseased will cover some of the costs towards a funeral.
Q: How are prices itemized for consumers who are selecting services and merchandise?
Your funeral director will present a General Price List which reflects his services including at least these categories: Professional services, removal of remains to the funeral home, preparation (such as embalming), shelter and care of the body, use of facilities for visitation, use of facilities for the funeral service, transportation and other services.
In addition, you may choose a casket, vault or other desired funeral merchandise from a merchandise display room or from photos or lists of such caskets, vaults and clothing. Or, if you prefer, your funeral director may have one or more complete services, priced as a unit, for your convenience.
Q: Can I have a funeral service at my place of worship?
We recommend that you speak to your clergy about it before finalizing the arrangements with the funeral director. Many places of worship allow viewing and a service with the members of the congregation. If the clergy is open to it, start a conversation immediately between your funeral director and your clergy. It may even save you some of the costs associated with the viewing and a service at a funeral home.
Q: What is the purpose of embalming?
Embalming sanitizes and preserves the body, retards the decomposition process, and enhances the appearance of a body disfigured by traumatic death or illness.
Embalming makes it possible to lengthen the time between death and the final disposition, thus allowing family members time to arrange and participate in the type of service most comforting to them.
Q: Does a dead body have to be embalmed, according to law?
No. Most states, however, require embalming when death was caused by a reportable contagious disease or when remains are to be transported from one state to another by common carrier or if final disposition is not to be made within a prescribed number of hours.
Q: Is cremation a substitute for a funeral?
Cremation is an alternative to earth burial or entombment for the body's final disposition. The cremation can follow the visitation and funeral service at which the casket is present. After the funeral service, instead of going to the cemetery, the casket goes to the crematory. After cremation, a public or private inurnment of the cremated remains can take place at the convenience of the family.