HOPE

Dear Tom,

When I called on Sunday March 29 and your brother told me that Ann was in the hospital, I was surprised to say the least.   I had no idea it was so serious.  I just heard the news this week and was heartbroken.  Tom, I'm so sorry.

I remember clearly the first time that I met Ann.  It was at the 1995 Society of Vertebrate Paleontology (SVP) Conference.   Someone told me there was someone that I just had to meet, and she took me directly to Ann.  As soon as we were introduced and then left to ourselves, Ann delved in and asked my opinion about a particular adhesive product.  Soon we were into an in-depth conversation about adhesives.  I remember trying to carefully explain why polymethyl methacrylate dissolved in a cyanoacrylate (superglue) would decrease the brittleness and increase the impact strength of the adhesive, but after about 15 minutes Ann lost interest and we almost parted ways.  Then out of the blue, Ann asked, "What do you do again?"   We had already been introduced, but after I told her that I was a chemist and not a paleontologist, her eyes grew wide with sudden renewed interest.  "Really?  You're a chemist?  So you know what you're talking about!  Start over and explain it to me again."  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!  But as I began again, her newly focused attention was backed with an incredible concentration, sharp mind, and determination to understand, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  The sparkle in her eyes and her spunky personality were instantly engrained in my mind forever.

That was the Ann who later became my good friend as we worked on an adhesive project together.  We ended up giving two team talks on the use of cyanoacrylates in fossil preservation - one at the 1996 SVP Conference and the other in 1998 at the 5th Conference on Fossil Resources in Rapid City right before our information was published. 

However, when I think about Ann, I rarely think about glue.  I just think about my friend, someone with whom I hiked all over Dinosaur National Monument, laughed and cried with, and talked about every topic you can imagine, whether we agreed with each other or not.  She wasn't afraid of tough questions, nor a challenge.  Ann knew how to be a genuine friend.  She always wanted to know more details of my life/story, and she listened with focused attention.  Her sincere interest completely caught me off guard at times; it was so refreshing for me.  I have never since met anyone else like that.  Ann could also ask razor sharp questions that instantly drove to the heart of the matter.  I remember how she helped me through a painful memory and also gave me good advice for my job in Minnesota on many, many occasions.  There are so many wonderful qualities about her.  Others have already written it down beauifully.  I have been truly blessed by her friendship.

When I received the email that Ann had passed away, I couldn't believe it and I cried so hard.  Soon after, through my tears, I was reminded that Ann is with Jesus now and is full of joy and enjoying God's perfect love where there is no more sadness, pain, or crying.  I was encouraged and filled with hope.  During our long hikes, letters, and conversations, we also shared about our faith in Jesus Christ, and the one thing that I remember was that she was solidly sure of trusting in Jesus for the forgiveness of her sins and knew that only He would take her to heaven to be with God forever.  Tom, we know that's our confident hope, not because we want it to be that way, but because it is God's promise, and we trust the One who made the promise. 

Sudden death of someone we love is always a shock.  It always wakes me to the reality that I could die at any time, and that any one of us could die at any hour.  Life is so fragile.  It's good to be ready - ready to meet God, the Creator and Judge of all things.  No one would be ready to face judgment on his/her own merit - who is 100% good and has never sinned?  But there is a way.   Heaven is described in the Bible as a place of joy and beauty unimaginable to the human mind.  The big, snow-capped mountains and clear alpine lakes and the greatest human experiences of love and joy are absolutely nothing in comparison.  I'll miss Ann, but I know I'll see her again in that beautiful place where there are no words  fit to describe.  The greatest thing that could come out of this tragedy of Ann's sudden early death is that because of it, someone who Ann loved, who yet doesn't believe any of this, would be challenged and encouraged to find the way to life - eternal life - and that Ann would see that person again too.  That's my prayer anyway, for whoever that person or persons might be.

Tom, my prayers are with you in your sorrow.  I know that you loved her dearly.  Today is Easter Sunday.  Because Jesus lives, you will have the power to face tomorrow without fear, and with hope.  All you have to do is take one day at a time.  God's mercies are new every morning.  I still remember those incredibley beautiful songs you played on your guitar.  I believe that singing and playing them will minister to your spirit and bring you peace whenever you need it.

The memories we have of Ann will always be in our hearts.  The wonderful qualities that each of us has learned from her, admired and written about, well, let's be challenged to try to do the same.  We'll miss you, Ann.

Cathy Wenz